u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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