Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
