i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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