the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
