My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
