you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
