I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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