she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
