yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
