im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
