I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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