just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
