halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
