Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
