ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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