I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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