he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
