For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
