We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
