2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
