i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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