The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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