Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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