im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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