Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
