She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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