Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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