If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
