Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
