I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
