yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
