i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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