yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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