I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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