i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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