so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm really busy with my period
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