i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
