I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
