Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
