I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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