that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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