I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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