I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All the doctor said was why
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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