you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just sent this text using only my big toe
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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