Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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