If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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