i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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