my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
