i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
