so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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