maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize