Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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