dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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