it wasn't lemon gatorade
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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