Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
